


I will tell you I love you on broken repeat

by SkySpn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Nightmare, accidental prayer, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 16:31:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15822708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkySpn/pseuds/SkySpn
Summary: After Dean sends out an accidental prayer, him and Cas end up reevaluating the nature of their relationship.





	I will tell you I love you on broken repeat

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the destiel themed song “come to bed” by Elizabeth smart. Available for purchase and streaming on Bandcamp. Slightly canon divergent because Cas can still fly.

Cas examined the two cases of beer in his hands with fervor before placing one back on the shelf, and one in his cart, squinting against the harsh artificial Supermarket lighting. It felt weird to shop at this hour, amongst the drunks, exhausted mothers, and small-town kids who had nothing better to do on a Friday night. Lately, he had taken up going on runs after the boys were asleep because it was less likely they would need him for anything. Not that they asked him for much anyways. He just needed some way to feel useful. Like he had a purpose, a reason to come back..with a sigh, he started to head towards the food section, when suddenly, he was doubled over in pain.

“ _Cas_!” something called out in his brain, and he brought his hands up over his ears and braced himself against the floor when the lights started to blur. “ _CAS!_ ”his brain called out again, with more urgency this time. 

_Dean_. He thought to himself. Dean was praying to him. He tried to right himself against the shopping cart. This was no ordinary prayer, this was powerful. There had been prayers similar to this before, prayers that sounded almost...carnal. Prayers that were private, and urgent, and seemed to stir something deep within Cas’s gut every time. But this was, yet again..different. That’s when it hit him. Dean must be in danger.

“Uh, sir? Are you okay? You don’t look so good..” Cas blinked at the young grocery store attendant in confusion, as he slowly regained his vision.

“I have to find Dean.” Cas deadpanned, and just like that, in a flurry of invisible feathers, he was gone, leaving a confused employee blinking at the space he had just occupied. The boy simply rubbed his eyes, thinking he really needed to lay off the drugs while at work.

Cas relied on instinct to bring him to the man, but he had to admit he was confused when he ended up in Dean’s room, looking down at the man writhing around in his covers. For a second, Cas could feel his cheeks warming with embarrassment as he figured it had been one of _those_ accidental prayers after all, but then Dean cried out.

“Cas, please!” Dean yelled, from somewhere deep in the recesses of sleep. His entire body went rigid, and Cas noted that he was covered in sweat, writhing against his bed sheets like he was pained. In seconds, he was at the man’s side.

“Cas? What’s going on?” Cas looked up and locked eyes with a sleepy Sam across the room, standing In the doorway with trepidation.

“I’m...not sure. I think he’s having a nightmare. He called out to me in his sleep.” Dean let out a broken whimper, and Sam started to cross over to his bedside. “No, I don’t think your brother would want you to see him like this, why don’t you go back to bed?” Cas directed.

“Okay, whatever you say.” Sam scoffed, as his bare feet plodded across the floor on his way to his room. He _was_ tired...the angel probably had a better grip on this anyways.

“Dean.” Cas tried gently shaking him, and then harder when that didn’t work. “Dean. Dean. Come on, wake up. It’s just a dream” Dean cried out again. “Dean, please, wake up!” He gave him one last shake. When that didn’t work, he touched his fingers to the man’s forehead in desperation, magically rousing him. Dean woke with a gasp. Staring up at Cas with wide and frightened eyes.

“C-Cas?” 

“I’m here Dean. It’s okay.”

“Cas.” Dean threw his arms around the angel, nearly knocking him off balance, he was so surprised. Dean burrowed his face into his neck. Cas brought up his arms and awkwardly patted him on the back. He didn’t know what to do, Dean had never openly and willingly showed him this intense of affection before.

“You were dead, Cas. Lucifer got you and you were dead.” He spoke, softly, not releasing his grip.

“I was,” Cas sighed, “but I’m here now.”

“I keep- I keep seeing it.” Dean brokenly whispered against the skin of Cas’s neck. With a sigh, he released his hold on the angel, collapsing back on his bed staring up at the ceiling with empty eyes.

“Dean, it’s okay..” Cas reached for him with an open hand, laying it on the exposed skin of his bicep. Dean jerked away like an Electric shock had just gone through him, pulling away from the angel in the process. Ah, so they were back to that again, Cas thought. Dean rolled over to face the wall on the opposite side of the room.

“Well, now I know you’re okay, and I’m awake and all, so..you can leave.” Dean awkwardly stated, not breaking eye contact with the wall.

“Okay..” Cas started to leave, but hesitated by the door. He turned around to see the man trembling underneath his covers. “Dean..”

“Please go.” Dean’s voice cracked, and that was enough to send Cas over the edge.

“No. “

“What?”

“No. I’m not going”

“Dammit, Cas!” Dean punched his fist into the bed, shoving his face into the pillow in the process as his body was wracked with quiet sobs. Cas came back to the man’s side.

“Dean, it’s okay to be upset. You had a bad dream.” Cas attempted to comfort.

“It wasn’t a dream.” Dean tiredly stated, all the fight leaving his body as he stopped crying. “I want to be alone.”

“No you don’t.” Cas said softly. “You want nothing more than for me to stay.”

“Excuse me?” Dean scoffed, “don’t flatter yourself, buddy. I told you I wanted you to go. I’m just tired.” Cas sighed exasperatedly. sometimes getting dean to admit what he wanted was exhausting.

“Dean, you just had a dream where I died. It’s natural that my presence would be of some comfort to you right now. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” Dean shot up in bed.

“And what exactly would it mean, Cas?” He sneered.

“Dean...”

“No, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying this isn’t the first accidental prayer you’ve sent out, Dean.” Dean blinked up at the angel in confusion.

“What?”

Cas sighed. It was now or never. “You’ve called out to me before, in situations that weren’t exactly...appropriate.” 

Cas watched as first confusion, then understanding, then unadulterated panic flickered across Dean’s face. In seconds, he jumped out of bed and had Cas pinned to the closest wall by his throat.

“What the fuck did you just say? Can other angels hear my prayers to you?”

“Dean..” Cas tested his resistance against the arm across his throat. He could easily overpower the man if he needed to, but he knew this was something Dean needed to work through.

“No, can they hear me?” He snarled.

“No, Dean. You have a direct line to me. You know that.” Cas tiredly answered, and immediately Dean’s grip loosened.

“I’m not gay.” He said quietly.

“Okay.” Cas answered, equally quiet.

“I mean, I haven’t..you know, been with anyone since Lisa. Other than my brother and now the kid, you’re the only person I’m around. It makes sense that I would think about you sometimes when I..um”

“Right.”

“I’m not gay.”

“You said that.” Cas could feel his heart breaking more by the second. It seemed Dean’s internalized homophobia was so strong, he would never allow himself to be happy. He should’ve known. The arm around his throat finally relinquished it’s grasp completely. Before Cas even had a chance to draw a proper breath into his lungs, he was slammed into the wall again, but this time by Dean’s lips against his.

At first the kiss was biting, all clashing teeth, desperation, and ten years of sexual tension. When Cas let out a pained and surprised yelp, Dean got the idea, letting up on the assault of his lips. Then the kiss was languid, almost lazy. Cas timidly ran his fingers through Dean’s hair, not wanting to scare the man away. When they broke apart, Cas softly sighed, and smirked.

“I thought you said you weren’t gay?” Dean let out a barking laugh that quickly turned into a sob, and Cas felt his heart quicken. Was it something he said? “I’m sorry Dean, I didn’t mean it.”

Dean laughed through his tears. “No..it’s just that, I’ve been in love with you for _seven years_ ,” the laughing grew hysterical, “and you knew. The whole time, you knew.” Dean turned his back on Cas “anyways, sorry about the kissing. It won’t happen again.”

“No, wait!” Cas grabbed Dean’s shoulder and easily spun him around “I...” now that the man was looking at him again, he started to lose his courage. “I want it to happen again.” He finally said, shyly. Dean was afraid to even breath.

“What?”

“I’m in love with you too..”

“How long?” Dean’s eyes were filling with tears.

“Ever since I first saw your soul in hell.” That was all it took before Dean’s lips were back on his for more. This time with a passion and fervor that was equally matched by the angel. Cas pushed Dean back until his knees hit the bed, and he toppled into it, pulling Cas on top of him. They continued to kiss like that for awhile, until Dean’s hand started to tease at the hem of Cas’s shirt that he had borrowed while his suit was in the wash. Cas caught his wrist and pulled it away, but it was immediately back, so he broke the kiss. 

“Dean, we don’t have to do this yet. You’ve had a rough night, and I don’t want you to do anything you would regret.”

“I could never regret being with you.” Dean breathed, through kiss-swollen lips.

“That doesn’t mean we have to rush. We have all the time in the world. I want to take things slower. You’re tired, why don’t you go back to sleep. We can talk in the morning.” Cas, ever the reasonable one, bargained.

“Fine. Stay?” Dean asked sheepishly as if he was embarrassed.

“Of course.” Castiel scooted down until he was almost spooning Dean in a position that was comfortable for them both, pressing a lazy kiss against his temple once he settled in. Both men layed there snuggled together in silence for what felt like forever, until dean spoke Cas’s name.

“Yes?”

“I love you.” He sleepily stated and nuzzled into the Angel’s chest.

“I love you, too.” Cas softly sighed. And as he felt the hunter's breath grow deeper and even against his chest, Cas knew, for the first time since The Empty had told him that there was nothing for him back on earth anymore, that he was 100% wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I’ve finished writing in years! It’s short but I hope y’all enjoyed it!


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